The Cold Morning I Chose Love Over Fear

Moving Through Fear: Lessons from the Ego-Mind and the Spiritual Path

I got up at 6 today. Cursed as I biting cold and oppressive darkness greeted me. It's January 2^nd and I’m in South-East Norway. It was the kind of morning that makes me question my choices. I went back to bed, setting my alarm to 7:30. I couldn't sleep and got up for real at 06:25, resentment nipping at the frostiness of my mood and bedroom.

I had trouble going to sleep yesterday. I had jitters, those akin to the first day of elementary school, a blend of excitement and anxiousness. I had jitters because today is the first day of creating and posting content when it’s 80% done in order to release perfectionism and get going. I had jitters because there is no postponing being on social media any longer. I’ve gotten to the point that my body is reacting to the idea of being on social media with jitters, not frozen terror – a shift that makes it doable to “feel the fear and do it anyway” and what will ultimately release the fear of it altogether. This thought that made me grateful as it’s taken me several years to feel safe enough to actually do this.

It’s three hours later. I’m sitting with my notebook and pen to paper, and as I sit down to write my first article, every cell in my body revolts - telling me I don’t want this. Telling me it’s too dangerous. Telling me it’s not a favorable turn of events – that I’m moving in a direction that’s gonna make my life take a turn for the worse. It’s too hard. It requires too much work. I’m not good at this. I’m throwing myself to the hounds. It’ll disturb my peace.

What peace? I counter.

Silence.

I add: I haven’t had peace. I haven’t had peace because I’ve put off what I know I’m to do. I won’t have peace until I do it, consistently, get used to it and get good at it. so yes, I agree, peace will be amiss but only for a little while. If I don’t do it, if I follow your orders and do nothing, I will never know peace. That I’m a 100 percent certain of.

The harsh and strident voice within me didn’t really have a counter response to that. It resigned – for now – grumpy and sullen, retracting its claws that it had tried to dug into my brain and somewhat succeeded with. As its claws retracted, my body’s fear response subsided.

This inner battle – my mind’s revolt against stepping into the unknown – is a textbook example of the ego-mind at work. The ego-mind is the part of our mind that is rooted in fear, anxiety and disconnection. It deeply believes we’re without love, living in a love-less existence, surrounded by potential danger. Is gives us an inexplicable sense of being lacking: that we’re not good enough, not strong enough, fundamentally unworthy and incomplete. It narrows our attention, distorts our perceptions, and filter memories to reinforce its belief in lack and danger, leaving us unsettled, dissatisfied and fearful.

The ego-mind are words put together to capture a phenomenon that comes with having a human experience. In our spiritual state, we’re created by and remain connected to the Source of all life. The Source of all life is characterized by power, love, truth, freedom and creative abilities, which are all synonymous. It is not something we perceive or believe, but something we inexplicably know, which gives a state of certainty, fulfillment and calm.

The ego-mind is a part of our mind that has been split from the Source of all life.

We often mistake this part of our mind for speaking truth about us, about others and about the world and we follow it blindly. We’re either insufficiently aware of and/or insufficiently able to discern when it speaks. We fail to realize that it speaks neither truth nor sanity, it only speaks what it believes. Being human – or having a human experience – the ego-mind is something we’re all affected by, have to deal with and cannot avoid. Essentially, the ego-mind can be summarized as this:

The ego-mind is the harsh and strident voice within, the bully that tells us we’re not good enough: that we’re worthless, inherently bad, inept, cut off from and denied the good things in life.

If we let it, the ego-mind will take over, dominate and become a tyrant that imprisons us. That blocks us from all the good things in life because it inherently doesn’t believe they’re true – when, in truth, all experiences of love, power, certainty, truth, creation is the only thing that is true, lasting, unchangeable, because it comes from, points to and reflects the Source of all Life, which never changes and never dies.

Becoming aware of the ego-mind is at the heart of the Spiritual Path and labor. Because we’re usually tangled up in it, it takes intention, focus and patience to see its threads and knots, untie and untangle from them so it no longer holds power over us, overpowers us and confines us. By doing this, we grant ourselves the privilege of choosing differently. It’s an ongoing process, one I’ve practiced and honed for 20 years.

So this cold January morning, January 2^nd 2025 in a little town in South-east Norway called Tonsberg, I observed my ego-mind’s tactics as it tried to bully me into submission, into staying silent and staying put. I observed it’s arguments, sat with the accompanied feelings, and gave myself some different perceptions to counter the fear and sense of doom.

I gave myself perceptions that moving outside of my comfort-zone leads to growth

that practicing new things leads to learning

that authentically expressing myself fosters freedom

that creation can be joyful – and will be as I release perfectionism and the need to be brilliant

that by authentically being who I am and share what I stand for – travel into the world of social media - I open myself up to genuine, soul-nourishing connections

And so, on this cold January morning in Tønsberg, I chose Love over fear—a choice I’ve consistently made for the past 20 years, to the best of my ability. I sat down and wrote these words, not as an act of defiance against my ego-mind, but as a demonstration of another way—a way that shows it’s perfectly safe to walk this path. Unlike the fearful, circular route the ego-mind urges me to take, this choice opens up a vast, expansive landscape with countless new paths—paths born from growth, connection, and authenticity.

-Helene

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Reflective Prompts: Choosing Love Over Fear

Take a moment to reflect on what you’ve read and how it relates to your own journey. Use these questions to deepen your understanding and create space for growth:

1. Recognizing the Ego-Mind:

   • When has your inner voice tried to hold you back with fear or self-doubt? What did it say, and how did it make you feel?

2. Reframing Fear:

   • Think of a recent situation where you felt resistance or fear about moving forward. How could you reframe that moment and choose love instead?

3. Shifting Perspectives:

   • What current challenge in your life could benefit from new perceptions—ones that point to growth, freedom, joy, or connection?

4. Taking Action:

   • What’s one small step you can take today to move outside your comfort zone and embrace authenticity?

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